


Another

by ukoku



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Coercion, F/M, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Non-Explicit Sex, Squick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-02
Updated: 2004-06-01
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:55:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3682308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukoku/pseuds/ukoku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Ririn's dreams turn to nightmares. Science, magic, and understanding.</p><p>Amongst other things. Wink.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I did a poll on my blog for what I should write next, and the answer that got the most votes was, "If you want Nii/Ririn so damn bad, why don't you write it yourself?" This is clearly a weakly disguised beg for a squicky fic, to which I will happily comply. You sick bastards.

It was a cool day for summertime, and a bit overcast. The sunlight that bled through the treetops wasn't a warm yellow but a grey, almost white. It made things shimmer and seem unreal.

 _It is unreal,_ the voice came.

There was a man standing there, between the trees. His features were obscured by white gauzy cloth that moved in the passing breeze like the leaves above. It seemed as if he was a million miles away.

And he lifted a hand through the distance and the haze, and his smile pierced like ice, and suddenly she realized that this wasn't the world that she knew. This was somewhere else.

The voice said, _Time to wake up._

There was thunder.

  - - - - -

Ririn sat up in bed and stared at nothing. It was utterly dark, without moonlight. There was a momentary silence, and the air hung with tension, and then the rain began to fall. She didn't bother turning to look - there wasn't enough light to see the drops patter against the window.

Somewhere, a clock chimed once.

Swinging her bare feet to the floor, Ririn hopped from her bed and made her way to the door. It creaked slightly as she slipped out and into the hall.

The corridor was lit by lamps set a few meters apart. Between each was a dark doorway, hidden in the shadows. The curved ceilings reverberated with the sound of her footsteps; her toenails clicked lightly on the tile.

It was then that she remembered her dream. It was so unlike her other dreams, which were filled with meat buns and fired dishes and candy, and sometimes her brother and Yaone and Dokugakuji, and every so often she would see an angry monk and his companions, traveling across Tougenkyou. She never had nightmares.

Nothing came to her. Connecting the dream to reality seemed impossible, and she screwed up her face, pushing down the handle of a carved wooden door. She slipped into the empty kitchens, and the dream slipped from her mind for good.

  - - - - -

The laboratory was alive with color and sound. Bubbling tubes that made reflected light dance on the wall, multicolored wires that grew up the walls like vines. Ririn sat on a cluttered table, arms crossed, swinging her feet back and forth impatiently. Across the room, one of the doctors - the usual one - leaned casually against his desk, fiddling with various vials and writing things down. His stuffed bunny was perched next to the girl, limp and relaxed, obviously content with doing nothing.

"Maa... I'm sick of these tests." She pressed her lips together in a sour face.

"Afraid you have to," said the scientist. "Your mother's orders."

"What orders? I don't have to do what she says," she spit, rebuking the very thought. "There's nothing wrong with me. I don't need to see a doctor every single day!"

"You know," he said, not turning around, "She's only trying to do what's best for you."

"I know what's good for me."

"Do you really." Ririn knew that he was humoring her, and hot anger bubbled at the base of her spine. She leapt off the table and flounced toward the exit with a huff.

"Princess... be careful out there."

She turned a dark eye over her shoulder. The man was smiling at her. He had turned his chair and was sitting casually, as if he were on a throne. A king of mysteries solved. "Why?"

Colorful rays of light splintered off his glasses, and for a moment she realized she didn't remember his name. "Because. You're a very important little girl."

"The only thing that is important to me," she replied, "is what I'm going to eat today." Then she left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came out much better than I expected it to, structurally. Not that you care what I think, right?

She had the same dream that night.

Or she thought it was the same dream. It started out the same, on a cool day in early summer, when the leaves are a fresh green, and the air is light, and the sunshine is without heat or color. The man still stood, silent, smiling, hidden behind folds of white cloth.

Then there was a change. There was a feeling of excitement on the air, of wait and want, and the man looked up at the nonexistent sun, and his frigid smile melted away and became full of its light. Hot rays reflected from his glasses as the wind brushed raven strands of hair from his face. He opened his arms in a holy and welcoming gesture, like a priest telling of the glory of the Heavens, because he had come home to someone who truly loved him.

Flowers exploded on the edge of her vision, and she felt so unbelievably happy _and I hope that I never wake up from this dream._

The clock chimed once.

 - - - - -

She opened her eyes and groaned. Ririn was accustomed to sleeping lightly, but tonight she was unprepared, and her eyes felt stuffy and sticky. She rolled through her blankets and onto the floor with a muffled thud.

Groggily, she dragged herself out into the hall, still hugging a pillow to her chest. _If I get some food in me, I'll be able to fall asleep again._ Her feet slid on the floor as she walked.

The hallway was especially long at one in the morning. Perhaps it was the eerie silence - Ririn had always preferred the noisy sounds of a crowd to the quiet of night. The kitchen seemed a hundred miles away.

The dream, she thought, and paused. There was something about the lack of light that made everything she saw monochrome, and it reminded her of the grey sun she had dreamed of. _Or was there a sun at all? I remember feeling so warm... and happy...._

Her feet had brought her to a door. She lifted her head to peer at the label - LABORATORY. Absently she had walked there, perhaps out of habit. Ririn was slightly annoyed with herself, and her stomach grumbled in agreement, and there was certainly nothing in the accursed lab that was of any worth to her. Just a lot of things the doctors use to poke and prod her....

She hesitated. She shouldn't go in there. She will get in trouble. She should go back to sleep--

\--but she didn't. She opened the door.

Compared to the empty corridor, the lab was filled with noise. The ticks and drips and grinding machinery were familiar to her, and they sounded almost melodic. The entire area was devoid of people.

On the table lay the Seiten Sutra. _The scripture of the sacred sky._

It wasn't as if she planned to keep it forever.

 _You should be a little more tidy, Mister Scientist,_ Ririn thought, smiling impishly behind her pillow. _You might misplace something._

 - - - - -

Later that day, she was in the lab again. She sat in her customary spot on the table in the center of the room. There were a number of female scientists puttering around her, attaching electrodes and waving strips of paper from the readout. They buzzed around Ririn like ignored flies. Her body was relaxed, her heartbeat slow, and she kept her voice calm, but she couldn't hide the tiny, gloating smirk that stuck to her lips. The adults ignored her.

Across the room, one arm looped to hold the long-eared doll, stood the glasses-wearing male doctor. He shared Ririn's, knowing smile. She stared at him and said nothing.

The tests ended at some point, she wasn't really paying attention to them, and the scientists dissolved into the walls and the room was empty, except for her and him.

"We've got to take some blood," he said to her.

"Who's we?" she returned.

She watched as he stepped forward and picked up an empty syringe from one of the many drawers that lined the wall. His gloved hands slipped a needle into its sterile plastic home. She looked away.

The doctor chuckled. "Scared?" He was trying to build up the suspense.

"No." It was working. She closed her eyes.

"You're afraid of getting hurt." He took her left arm, gently, and she nearly gasped out loud. Latex fingers wrapped the heavy blood pressure cuff around her bicep.

"Pain doesn't bother me," she said.

"Then open your eyes." The cuff squeezed her arm as he pumped it.

"No," she said again.

"Let me let you in on a little secret." His voice was soft and confidential. He didn't sound the way other adults did. When they speak to her, they tell her what to do and where to be, in slow, small words. Or they don't bother explaining anything at all, they just say she's too young and she wouldn't understand.

He never said that. Everything he said was smooth like cream; he talked to her like she was one of them. Like she was in on the secret of being grown up. "They say, to get what you want, you have to make sacrifices. I've made sacrifices. All adults do." She could feel his smile, though she couldn't see it. "Can you do that?"

Something snapped within her. "I can do that."

"Then open your eyes."

She did, and saw the bunny doll on the desk in front of her, staring back with bright, wide eyes.

"Good girl."

He slipped the needle in. She held her breath.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nii isn't the only one who likes to build up the suspense.

A moment before the darkness took her, she asked herself, _Will I have the same dream again?_

The image was different this time. Colorless light and leaves remained, but the familiar priestly figure was not alone. A similarly dressed man stood with him, veiled in white and green and gold. His hair was grey. They both were smoking.

 _An odd detail,_ said the voice, almost apologetic.

With a silent laugh that danced through the air, the light-haired man lifted a hand and pointed at the summer sun. His sleeve slipped down his arm as he turned to speak quietly to the man at his side. He smiled, and his face glowed with joy and peace, radiating a pure light brighter than the sun he spoke of.

The dark-haired man was much the opposite. His intensity was frightening. He carried the same casual grace as his friend, but his smile was that of a hunter, and his gaze was like a bird of prey. Longing and worry, jealousy and desire, and many unnamed emotions bled from his skin. They grew behind him into a black torrent, and swept away the light and happiness, and carried her into a river of fevered nightmares.

 _Because,_ the voice said, _I always get what I want._

She didn't hear the clock this time.

 - - - - - 

It was well past noon when Yaone came to check on her, and even then Ririn didn't get up. She simply told the worried woman that she wasn't feeling well, and that she would eat later, and yes, tell big brother that she's fine.

After Yaone had closed the door, she shivered under her covers. Strings of nightmares still tugged at her.

Ririn bit her lip and waited until the footsteps outside had faded away, then she pulled back the sheets and opened her pillowcase. Inside was the Seiten Sutra, neatly packed in feathers.

Nervously she closed it again and stuffed it beneath her cushions and stuffed toys. She pulled herself out of bed, and went to her wardrobe, stripping from her pajamas on the way.

 _What a scary dream,_ she thought, yanking a yellow t-shirt over her head. _It didn't seem so bad in the beginning. There was someone new._ She pulled the tangled mess of hair back into a ponytail and tied it off with a bell-adorned ribbon. _I wonder what he said when he pointed to the sun._

People would start getting suspicious if she didn't show her face around the castle.

_A typical boring day._

 - - - - -

At sunset, Ririn went for a walk around the outskirts of the castle. The air inside had been absolutely oppressive. The researchers in the lab had discovered the absence of the Sutra, and though her mother had told her court there was nothing to worry about, an undercurrent of panic ran beneath the skin of everyone she met.

Strangely, the situation didn't fill Ririn with glee, as she had thought it would, but she simply shrugged it off as a product of the nightmares.

She was passing by several intricately carves statues on one of the high balconies of the castle, scaring away flocks of angry crows, when the scientist caught her arm. The first thing she noticed was the rough skin on his fingers, perhaps jagged from too much nail-biting, before surprise could even take effect. She turned to glare up at him, and the bells in her hair jingled.

"Wayward daughters should come home." He was smiling his usual, familiar smile, something she had never really taken the time to look closely at. It was wide, and curved up on one side, not really mocking, but playful at the very least. "I was rather sad that you didn't come to visit me today."

She didn't feel like playing. "Don't tell me what to do."

"Ah, that's right. You can take care of yourself. A strong woman."

Ririn wasn't sure what that meant, so she said nothing.

_Did he say I'm a woman?_

"I suppose you've heard that the Sutra is missing." His head tilted in a thoughtful way, lost strands of hair falling over his eyes. He was still holding her arm.

"I have," she said coldly.

"Nn.... I wonder where it could have gotten to. Rather messy of me, don't you think?"

She was tempted to slap him away, annoyed with a conversation that wasn't going anywhere, and he was poking at a touchy subject, but two things stopped her. The fact that he bothered to talk to her, casually, making small talk the way adults do, filled her with a subconscious joy.

The other reason was the look on his face, something she had become distinctly aware of as she stared at him, and it froze hard in the pit of her stomach. It said, simply, _I already know the truth._

Behind his glasses, the doctor's eyes crinkled as his smile broadened. He spoke mildly, as if he was asking about the weather. "Why don't you come to the lab later? I'm sure we can find something to do." Then he let go of her arm as if to allow her to make the choice on her own.

She hesitated. He smiled.

"We'll see." Turning on a heel, Ririn stomped off down the balcony to the stairs, bells ringing with each step.

"I guess we will," was the reply at her back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aesthetics won out over my desire for pr0n. Sigh. I guess I just wasn't made to write lemon.

That night, the nightmares didn't even give her a chance. They set in almost immediately, surrounding her like the darkness of her bedroom. Wind whipped around her, tossing leaves and debris into a whirlpool of shadows. Trees swayed like monks praying to the Bodhisattva for deliverance.

It was a forest in a storm.

There were glimpses of faces - she spotted the dark-haired figure among them - but they were lost as she drowned in guilt and fear. And at the very bottom of the river, somewhere, hidden but growing, encased by metal and magic, a giant monster broke free of his bonds and reached up to grab her.

She woke herself up with a startled yelp.

\- - - - - 

_Why am I doing this?_

Bare feet, bare walls, bare floor. Ririn took each step one at a time, unsure of whether she was really awake. Her cheeks felt hotter than the lamps that lit the corridor. Her arms hung limply at her sides.

_I don't want to just dream any more._

When she reached the laboratory, she opened the door and went in.

Inside it was the usual general disarray. The lights were dim, and the rays looked silver and blue as the bounced across the metal structures. There was a new noise, thumping at regular intervals, the low sound pounding on the inside of her head. Like drums.

In the center on the room, on the table, sat the doctor. His face was hidden in shadow. At his side was the stuffed bunny, face down on the flat surface, forgotten.

"I thought you wouldn't show up," he said.

"You thought wrong," she answered quietly.

Ririn closed the door behind her and leaned against it for a moment. Then she walked slowly to the man and stood in front of him, peering at the soft glow that reflected oddly from his glasses and hid his eyes. His smile gave nothing else away. She stared at him.

The doctor chuckled. "Scared?" He was trying to build up the suspense.

"Only a little." It wouldn't work this time.

"You might get hurt." He fumbled in his pocket for a moment before pulling out a small packaged condom - a strange, awkward gesture, for him, she thought. Then he reached out and took her arm, gently, questioningly.

"It doesn't matter," she said.

"Then lay down. You can close your eyes."

"I don't need to." Pulling herself up onto the table, Ririn was acutely aware of the pajamas she was wearing, and the flush on her face. The metal was cold against her back, and she stared at the ceiling.

"You're learning." He was facing the other way - preparing, or something. His voice was mellow and comforting. _Is this really what adults do?_ "To get what you want, you have to make sacrifices. There's something you want, and you'll do what it takes to get it."

_Whatever it takes._

His hands moved to touch her softly, pushing aside folds of fabric and flesh. He added, "Just like your mother."

She turned and looked at him with a wide-eyed stare. He paused and said nothing, and the moment hung in the air as if time had stopped. Her words tasted like ice. "I'm ready."

Beside her, the bunny doll slipped and fell off the table, landing on its back and staring at the ceiling.

"Good girl."

He slipped himself in. She held her breath.


	5. Chapter 5

That night she dreamed again.

The rushing river had drained. The wind had returned to a slight breeze that carried an edge of cold; the seasons had changed. Leaves went from green to grey and began to fall, and they swirled in small circles across the ground. The sun was especially dark.

The dark-haired man was standing there, arms at his sides. Trees loomed behind him, tall as mountains. The exciting and frightening emotions were gone. He wore a mask of serenity, but every fiber of his body was wrapped in sorrow.

In front of him, ignoring him, sat the other man, talking to a small boy. They did not seem to notice him, nor did they seem to care. It was a scene of reject.

_Why am I seeing this?_

The figures melted grotesquely like candle wax.

The clock tolled one.

 - - - - -

Ririn woke at the sound of the bell. Her body was fevered, dripping with sweat, and her mouth was dry. She tried to get up but each of her bones screamed in protest, shooting splinters of pain through her muscles.

Against her body's will, she staggered onto the floor, and aimed for the exit. Her dizzy head was making her nauseous. The lurching walls spun around her and she stumbled out of the room, only to find herself hitting the hard tile of the hallway's ground.

She resisted the urge to cry out - for her brother, for Yaone, for her mother, for anyone to help her. Instead, she curled herself into a ball and wept.

 - - - - -

It was far too quiet when Ririn woke up again. She was lying in her bed, a wet cloth draped across her forehead. Her blurred vision did not allow her to see the clock, but she could tell it was late in the afternoon by the way the orange sunlight slanted through her windows.

Sliding a hand under her pillows, she brushed against the papery surface of the Sutra, and squinted her eyes shut again.

_What will I do when they find out it was me?_

She sat up a bit, and slowly pushed her pillows aside. The Sutra looked hardly dignified, just another well-used scroll. The writing on it, from what Ririn could read, seemed nonsensical, and she shouldn't help but think to herself, _Useless._

There was a knock on the door. Ririn nearly passed out with fright. Frantically she shoved the Sutra under her blankets, making a face as it crumpled between her knees. Yaone was already coming in the door.

"Oh, are you already awake? I thought I should bring you some dinner."

Ririn smiled a toothy smile and nodded, hoping Yaone wouldn't notice its superficiality. The woman was carrying a tray with cups of soup and juice and rice. She placed it on a table to the side, and then sat gently by the foot of the bed. Ririn watched with nervous intensity.

"You know... you should have told us you were sick." Yaone was looking at her hands while they creased and re-creased the hem of her skirt. Her voice was filled with concern, but Ririn could hear the accusation clearly, as if it was her fault for making them worry, and it stung.

Two thoughts collided in her brain in an onslaught of fear and anger: _I didn't ask them to worry about me_ , and _Why do they even care about me?_

"Don't...." Her voice shook and she kept her head down so she wouldn't see Yaone's face. "Don't...." She could feel tears on her cheeks, cool against her hot face. "Don't treat me like a child!"

With an angry kick she thrust back the covers and flew from the bed. She snatched the rumpled Sutra in a fist and sprinted out the door, leaving the startled Yaone behind. Ririn took off down the hallway with as much speed as she could muster, and headed for the laboratory.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note it helps to have read through the Burial arc, but won't really spoil you.
> 
> Thanks for reading, everyone.

The quick repetition of footsteps echoed down the hallway: the sound of the heartbeat of a bird.

When Ririn reached the laboratory, the doctor was waiting for her, as always. He stood as a silhouette, surrounded by silver reflected light, where pillars of glass and metal grew tall behind him.

She approached him, holding the Seiten Sutra in one hand, hanging at her side, and took a breath.

"I'm late. I've been dreaming."

"Have you…?" He seemed amused, tapping his chin with a thoughtful finger. Ririn noticed the stuffed bunny sitting on the table, peeking around its master.

"I want you to tell me what it means."

"Sorry," he said. "I can't do that."

"Alright… then tell me something else." She closed her eyes for concentration. Still lightheaded. "Why… should I apologize to you? Why should I feel guilty?"

"Sometimes we have to make sacrifices to get what we want." He was thumbing the ear of his doll absently. His eyes were hidden.

"I know that… and I still feel bad."

"You don't need to, Princess. All of your feelings will be for nothing. Always. In the end, it doesn't matter anyway," Smug pride tugged at the edges of his words, like a teacher imparting the final truth to his student. He smirked. "Life is but a dream."

"So you don't really care about me," she said sadly, hugging the Sutra closer to her chest.

"No…I suppose I don't," he said. "Not in the way you're thinking, anyway."

"Well… here. I came to bring this back." She held out the Sutra between clawed fingers. "I don't need it anymore." The doctor slid over on silent slippered feet to take the scroll, standing too close.

"I'm afraid I can't give you back what I took."

Ririn slid her eyes sideways, but refused to be embarrassed. "I know that."

"You can't change the past," he added. Ririn thought it sounded bitter.

She didn't answer.

She took the handle of the door and paused. "You're wrong." It didn't take a scientific mind to understand. "It doesn't matter to me if my feelings are only dreams." This man had power and knowledge, but not understanding. "They are more important to me than anything. That is what makes them real." She smiled at him, deep, like the grey sun in her dreams. "I'm sorry. I couldn't change the past."

The door slid shut behind her.

 - - - - -

At midnight she had her last dream, and she was ready for it.

The sun had set, and there was no moon. Ririn saw herself as she was, pajamaed, hair rumpled and tumbling down her back. Next to her was the rejected man (man? he couldn't be more than twenty, but it was hard to tell) who stared straight ahead at nothing. Looking at the side of his face she could see behind his glasses. His eyes were ocean teal.

"I was in love once," he said.

 _He can see me?_ Her thoughts sounded far away, somewhere under the ground.

"I was in love with someone," the main said again, "but he loved another."

"Yes," said the dream Ririn. "It happens to everyone."

"Amazing," the man said. "I didn't think you could hear me." He paused and lifted his hand, staring at it as though it were alien to him. "Jealousy isn't something I'm used to." He put his hand down. "It turns out I was right all along. Love doesn't exist more than anything else. " Ririn noticed the Sutra hanging limply around his shoulders.

"It doesn't matter if it isn't real." The dream Ririn reflected real Ririn's earlier words. "Love is still important."

"No," the man replied. "I want the truth. I can't be satisfied with anything less. In the absence of God, only logic is left." He smiled, that same proud and wicked smile, but not turning to look at her. "Thank you, ghost. For trying."

"What's your name, anyway?" She asked, finally.

"The last time I changed, I got a new name. I'm done with this one now."

_Because in the end, it didn't matter anyway._

"I'm sorry," she said, and the apparition faded away into the darkness of the moonless night.

He was right, she thought, wondering at the woven images that wrapped around her like blankets, I could not change the past.

And her mind wandered into dreams of cake, ice cream, and joy.

  --fin--


End file.
